The 9th day without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The 9th day without him. Sleepless night again. Nightmares after nightmares torturing me. Tears rolling down my cheeks everytime I woke up. This time round I dreamed of all the E staff going for a swim together....throughout the whole journey he accompanied her. I was alone by myself. When we rest, I saw her leaned on his shoulder. At that point, my heart hurts so much so much that I woke up and found myself facing the four walls of my room. This is my worst nightmare. I felt like calling him the moment I woke up, but I do not have the courage to do so. It hurts. Hurts so much. Miracles does not happen.

Zhihao, I love you so much...
Zhihao, I miss you so much...


我以为-品冠


你曾说不想有天让我知道
你对他 有那么好
你说会懂 我的失落
不是靠宽容 就能够解脱

我以为我出现的时候刚好
你和他 正说要分开
我以为你 已对他不再期待
不纵容他 再给你伤害

我以为我的温柔 能给你整个宇宙
我以为我能权利 填满你感情的缺口
专心陪在你左右 弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真 以为奇迹会发生

我以为终究你会慢慢明白
她的心 已不在你身上
我的关心 你依然无动于衷
我的以为 只是我的以为

她让你红了眼眶 你却还笑着原谅
原来你早就想好 你要留在谁的身旁
我以为我够坚强 却一天天的失望
少给我一点希望 希望就不是奢望

The 8th day without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The 8th day without him. He finally received my the package I sent him. I'm glad that he likes it, but he said nothing more than he likes it. Am i being too greedy? I am hoping so much that he will tells me that he no longer like her and he actually loves me. But I guess that would never happen, or perharps in my dream. He just thanked me very normally and that he is really happy with the stuff. My heart ached abit, but these are facts, I have to accept it. He no longer loves me and that will not happen again.

No matter what, I still love you, Zhihao.

Even if it is just one-sided.

黑色毛衣-周杰伦

一件黑色毛衣 两个人的回忆

雨过之后更难忘记

忘记我还爱你

你不用在意

流泪也只是刚好而已

我早已经待在谷底

我知道不能再留住你

也知道不能没有骨气

感激你让我拥有秋天的美丽

看着那白色的蜻蜓

在空中忘了前进

还能不能 重新编织

脑海中起毛球的记忆

再说我爱你

可能雨也不会停

黑色毛衣 藏在哪里

就让回忆永远停在 那里

The 7th day without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The 7th day without him. Why am I not feeling any better? How long must it takes to lessen my pain? I do not know. It has been a week which I live without him. I wanted to call him so much so much and I wanted to sms him so much so much. But I just can't. I can't face the fact that he will not reply my sms. I can't face the fact that he will not pick up my call. And I can't face the fact that even if he pick up my call, he will sounds like he don't want to. The last few times I called him, he answered and said, "做什么? 找我什么事?" I miss him when we were still together. I can call him whenever I like, whenever I miss him, and without any reason. Everytime he picked up the call he will call me "Dear!" and not ask why did i call. We always ended the call with a "love you", and that no longer will happen again. It just breaks my heart to just think of that. I wish I didn't come here to study if I can have a chance to choose again. I need him more than anything, I knew it myself, so why didn't I do something for him when he wanted me to? Why do I have to realise everything when it is too late to do anything for him now?

Zhihao...I'm sorry for everything....

If time can turn back, I will make the correct decision to stay by your side...

I'm sorry, I love you.

分手第七天-黄湘怡

很想知道你最近过得怎样

是否还像以往 不多话

很想拨通电话问你好吗?

却怕听你声音会更伤

分手第七天 就像永远

对你的思念 一天加多一点

分手第七天 就像永远

每当闭上双眼 你就在我眼前

你就在眼前

很想握你的手 重新来过

却知不可能的事太多

分手有时不是为了谁错

只能默默接受着心痛

The 6th day without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The 6th day without him. Missing him is my daily routine. Having nightmares still goes on every night. This is only the 6th day i tell myself, don't press myself so hard. If i want miss him, don't stop myself from going FB to look at his account. But everytime I log into FB, I am very scared. Very scared to see something that hurts me. For example, our 2nd anniversary is on 1st of August, FB will remind us that this special day is coming. I wonder did he notice that reminder? How does he feels? And when I thought deeper, I know very well that he will not feel anything. I am also very scared that maybe one day when I sign in FB, he already changed his status to single and that will be the final full stop for this relationship. For me, as long as I am updating this blog, my love for him is still there.

Many people ask me not to held on to this relationship anymore. No, I am not holding on to this relationship, not anymore. I am just loving him and that is what my heart tells me to do. Loving someone no need to be shown and I believe there is no wrong in loving him either.

Another day passed. School is opening soon. I am just hoping to have a happy 2weeks with him, that's all. I just want to keep that love for him in my heart and that is why I want to keep this blog alive. For as long as my heart wants me to do so. Please do not stop me.

Zhihao....I love you...for as long as my heart wants me to.

能不能别没收我的爱?

彩虹-周杰伦

哪里有彩虹告诉我

能不能把我的愿望还给我

为什么天这么安静

所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我

肄怀说了太多就成真不了

也许时间是一种解药

也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑 我这么睡得着

你的身影这么近 我却抱不到

没有地球 太阳还是会绕

没有理由 我也能自己走

你要离开 我知道很简单

你说依赖 是我们的阻碍

就算放开 哪能不能别没收我的爱

当作我最后才明白

The 5th day without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The 5th day without him. I still love him. I still miss him. Right now, I just don't feel like thinking any other stuff. I just want to spend the 2 weeks with him happily. Everyday I am just counting down for that 2 weeks to come. And when it comes, I hope time can stop at that 2 weeks forever. I might not have the second chance to spend another 2weeks and 2weeks with him anymore. I miss plucking his eyebrows, I miss enjoying sukiyaki steamboat with him, I miss hugging him, I miss listening to him playing guitar, I miss sleeping by his side, I miss seeing him before I sleep and I miss opening my my eyes early in morning to see him sleeping by my side with that harmless and innocent look. I miss him. I miss everything about him. But I know I can only miss him, I can do nothing else.

Zhihao....I love you and I know this will go on forever.

回到过去-周杰伦

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯 时间在旁闷不吭声

寂寞下手毫无分寸 不懂得轻重之分

沉默支撑跃过陌生 静静看着凌晨黄昏

你的身影 失去平衡 慢慢下沉

黑暗已在空中盘旋 该往哪我看不见

也许爱在梦的另一端

无法存活在真实的空间

想回到过去 试着抱你在怀里

羞怯的脸带有一点稚气

想看你看的世界 想在你梦的画面

只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜

想回到过去 试着让故事继续

至少不再让你离我而去

分散时间的注意 这次会抱得更紧

这样挽留不知还来不来得及

想回到过去

思绪不断阻挡着回忆播放

盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡

灰蒙蒙的夜晚 睡意又不知躲到哪去

一转身孤单已躺在身旁

又回到过去

The 4th day without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The 4th day without him. As terrible as ever. It was a long day. I just could not stop myself from thinking of him. I just could not stop myself from loving him. I watched drama the whole day to keep myself occupied, but I am still occupied by him, totally. I know very well it is impossible between us. He has fall for someone else. When a man changed his heart, there is no turning back. I really do not want him to forget me and i know that is very selfish. So, after thinking through for so many days, I decided to tell him to forget me, if it is easier to forget me than to forget her. I am willing to give up if that can solves his problems and make him happier. To see the one you love being happy is the greatest happiness, isn't it?

My love for him cannot be given up since it is not beyond my control. But, at least I can give up this relationship to make everyone less troubled. I do no want more. I requested him to give 2weeks to me. 2 weeks to accompany me and I will disappeared myself. I really want nothing anymore.

I love u Zhihao, I really do...

I'm sorry I do n ot have the ability to let you forget her nor do I have the ability to make your heart stay...

But, I love you, I just love you.

小伤口-蔡依林

出发点总是好的 你终于离开了

为我好 这点我董的

不必再争取了 你不该我的

多给一个理由 一个借口 也是多余的

你的每个拥抱 每个亲吻 全都是冷的

说真的没什么 都几岁了 谁没分手过

我不会感到挫折 舍不得放手 才烦人

这点小伤口 很快就愈合

留下浅浅疤痕 当作纪念 多幽默

只是小伤口 那又为什么

随时碰就随时痛

这点小伤口 多久会愈合

那么疯狂的爱 两败俱伤 多寂寞

只是小伤口 时间包扎我

你不需要担心我

只是小伤口 时间包扎我

我想念 你给的痛

The day 3 without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The day 3 without him. He called at 5am. I chatted with him for 1 hour. I do not know why, but i sense the change in him. He seems to have change back to the guy before I know him. The playful and not serious him. The Zhihao who loves me and who I love seems to vanish slowly. I really wish to find back the Zhihao I love, but i do not know how. This trip to back to peep at him, I decided to meet him and find out the answer. If I cannot find back the Zhihao I love, I know I have to keep that Zhihao in my heart forever and accept the truth that he is not coming back.

I went to the temple to pray today. The god told me that keeping silience is the best pratice and I decided to do that from now on. I believe my prayers will be answered. God bless.

I miss the Zhihao I love, I really do...
Please come back Zhihao...I really need you.
Zhihao, I love you.


本来-同恩

下雨了 站在玻璃门里头
并没有 总是挂念着我 你带着伞来接我
夜晚了 只剩老板跟我
像从前你抽着烟皱眉头
不知么安抚 太任性的我

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
已经过去 雨伞和雨衣 不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后 来不及了
手写的留言对象已经不会是我

停雨了 不必再躲雨了
已经过了该打烊的时候 还是不太想走
太晚了 只能坐计程车
为什么想念着摩托车
常常会半路熄火的后座

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
已经过去 雨伞和雨衣 不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后 来不及了
长长的简讯对象已经不会是我

走在湿溜溜的红砖上
沿着导盲砖试着假装 的确有点困难
也许我就这样走路回家
反正你不再在乎几点 该几点回家

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你再也不疼我以后
已经过去 雨伞和雨衣 不会再保护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后 来不及了
对不起长大太慢 害你遗失了我
抱歉 让你白费了这么多

The 2 day without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The second day without him is as unbearable as before. He did not call nor sms. I wanted to call him so much so much....but I just cannot face myself listening to the endless ringing in the phone, but no one to pick it up.

2 years may not be long....but we have gone through so much. From hiding of this relationship because of our age difference and our working relationship to be at last, understand by everyone and receiving everyone blessing. It is not easy. We got hated by people, people telling us we will not work out and everything, but we truly love each other so what else matters?

Distance might have brought this relationship apart, but i know in my heart....it has never brought apoart my love for him. He has asked mi umpteen times to give up and i promised him i will. Yes, i will give up this relationship, but i will never give up my love for him. For me, just a peep from far to know that he is happy and doing well...im satisfied.

I made this decision. I did not get to see him once after the break-up and that is my regret. I know I have to see him, just take a look at him from far. So, I have decided to go back on my short break and take a look at him. 5 hours of flight just to take a look at him is worth it. Without him knowing of course. This is what I really want to do and no one can stop me.

Zhi Hao, I love u.

再一次拥有-龚诗嘉

我想念去年的冬天 下着雪的那一夜

你给的温柔 紧握的双手

温暖整个寒冬

失去了曾经的拥有 在你离开以后

带走了笑容 只留下寂寞

忘了幸福是么

没有你的夜特别的漆黑

只能闭上双眼去感觉

没有我的夜 谁在你身边

代替了那个从前

能不能再听一次说你爱我

回到还在你怀里的时候

能不能让我 再一次拥有

曾属于我的温柔

能不能让我 再一次拥有

曾属于我的温柔

The 1 day without Cheng Zhi Hao.

The first day without him. Today is the first day i live totalli without him. Waking up in the morning seems more difficult than usual. Thinking about him for the whole day is unpreventable. Heart is aching so much so much.

2 days ago, I hang our ring with my Guangyin pendant juz like he did. I hold the necklace tightly and prayed to Guanyin niang niang to let us fall in love with each other again and give this relationship a new life till forever. Maybe I am thinking too much, but Guangyin Niang Niang seems to give me an answer. Less than 5 mins after i prayed, a pair of loving birds flew into my garden chirping happilly. After that, they flew to a tree together on the other side of the street. The tree are grown very near to another tree behind it....I noticed the heart shaped formed by these 2 trees. I hope Guangyin niang niang answer my prayers.

Today, while sitting at my garden, i saw this 2 birds playing on the heart shaped trees again. I feel happy for them and hope me and him can be like them one day. Wandering the house for one whole day, the scary night falls in again. I knew very well in my heart that he will never call....but the silly me still willing to sleep by my phone every night to hope that 1 day I can listen to his voice telling me again "Fei fei, I love you."

Zhihao, without u i am nothing....I love you, my dear....

说了再见-周杰伦

天亮了 雨下了 你走了

清楚了 我爱的 遗失了

落叶飘在湖面上睡着了

想要放 放不掉 泪在飘

你看看 你看看 不到

我假装过去不重要 却发现自己办不到

说了再见 才发现再也见不到

我不能就这样失去你的微笑

口红待在桌脚 而你我找不到

若角色对调 你说好不好

说了再见 才发现再也见不到

能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉

说好陪我到老 永恒往哪里找

再次拥抱一分一秒都好

你的笑 你的好 脑海里 一直在绕

我的手 忘不了 你手的温度

心碎了一地 捡不回 从前的心跳

伤心过去 我无力逃跑

说再见 才发现再也见不到

能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉

说好陪我到老 永恒往哪里找

再次拥抱一分一秒都好